


Beyond the Life You Know

by brittyelaine



Series: The Heart Brings You Back [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Castiel in the Bunker, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Post-Arc: Lucifer Possessing Castiel, Post-Canon, Post-Season/Series 11, Sam Ships It, hunter husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:24:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7614439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"And as such, I cannot imagine living in a world without you... Living an eternity without you... You are my eternity, Dean."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beyond the Life You Know

**Author's Note:**

> The final piece of my "The Heart Brings You Back" series! This was originally a story I began way back in early January, but roughly 40 pages in, it fell into my WIP graveyard. Until I started my HBYB series, and I realized it was the _**perfect**_ tie-in and conclusion. While I initially planned this to be a multi-chapter finale, I think I'll leave it here. I think it's a perfect ending. 
> 
> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr](http://brittywritesstuff.tumblr.com)!

Dean jolted awake, taking longer than he would have liked to realize that he was awake and safe and okay. His vision was hazy as he blinked against the bleak early morning sunlight, struggling to adjust. He was lying on his stomach, clutching a pillow between his arms and his head. There were clothes haphazardly strewn across the room -- the room, he came to remember, was a secluded lake cabin in the woods of South Dakota. The smell of rain looming on the horizon swirled through the cabin on the warm wind, rustling the leaves just outside the window. 

He startled briefly at the feeling of warm lips on the back of his neck, but he softened immediately, allowing himself to melt into Cas as his naked body pressed against Dean’s beneath the thin white sheet. “Good morning,” Cas’s voice rumbled softly in his ear, the angel’s lithe fingers ghosting over the hunter’s shoulders.

Everything came rushing back to Dean as he finally adjusted to the waking world. Following the demise of The Darkness and the expulsion of Lucifer from Cas’s body, and everything it took to get there, Dean had felt more drained than ever before. After years of hunting and running from everything, and the overwhelming tragedy of very nearly losing the one person he had ever truly allowed himself to love… he had needed a break. Desperately. Sam had helpfully (though Dean would never admit that Sam was right... or helpful) suggested he and Cas take a weekend (or week, or - hell - even a month or several) away at one of Bobby’s old hidden cabins. To give them time together. To give them time to heal. And learn to just… _Be._

“Morning.” Dean’s voice was sleep-rough and full of gravel. He smiled -- a genuine, charmingly goofy Dean Winchester smile -- as he rolled to his back to look up at Cas. He was met with nothing but love, kindness, and devotion in those beautiful blue eyes – something he knew he’d never tire of seeing every damn morning. Reaching up to slide a hand through Cas's unruly dark hair, Dean sighed, slipping his free hand behind his head. 

Cas traced the outline of Dean’s tattoo. “You were shouting in your sleep,” he announced, his brow furrowed with worry. “Are you still having those nightmares?"

Frowning, Dean nodded, trailing his fingers down Cas’s jaw line. “Yeah,” he croaked. He shifted his hand to the back of Cas’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss, soft and warm and sleepy. “I just can’t stop thinking about how close I was to losing you,” he whispered. “Again. And that... That fucking terrifies me, Cas.”

Cas shifted, sliding on top of Dean, his body weight held on his forearm beside Dean's head, his other hand cupping Dean's cheek. He closed his eyes, brushing their lips together, dropping his forehead to the Winchester’s. "I'm not going anywhere anymore, Dean. I'm here. With you. Always, remember?"

Dean swallowed the lump rising in his throat. "I know. I know, it's just..." He opened his eyes to look up at the angel -- _his_ angel. "We've gone through so much shit." His voice trembled; thick with fear and so many fucking emotions Dean didn't even know how to begin categorizing. “I’ve lost you so many damn times… It's real fucking hard not to sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop." 

Cas sighed. He leaned down, kissing away the tears that had defiantly snuck past Dean's lashes. "Shh." He kissed his cheek and his jaw, eventually capturing his mouth. His tongue slid along Dean's bottom lip, begging entry. Dean eagerly opened up to him as he palmed Cas's hips, moaning at the friction between them.

With one swift motion, Dean flipped them, gripping Cas's thigh to pull it up against his hip. Cas's hand gripped Dean's shoulder where his handprint was once visible; the other sliding down his back to grip his ass, tugging him ever-closer. "Cas," Dean groaned, the sound muffled in Cas's mouth. 

And there, beneath the soft white sheets, as rain started to fall beyond the walls, with Cas moaning beneath Dean, they forgot all their fears and worries, if only for a while. 

+

"If the rain stops, I'd like to go for a walk." Cas stood at the screen door, staring out at the lake, watching as the fat raindrops splashed into the water. 

It was a truly beautiful scene. There was nothing around them for miles except nature. The early-summer heat was bearable with the breeze from the lake blowing inland, but at times, still left them sweaty and uncomfortable, and not in the sexy-friction sense, either. Dean breathed in the intoxicating scent of rain against the dirt, letting it wash over him in a calming wave. He’d always loved that smell. He’d always loved storms.

Dean approached him from behind, sliding his arms around his waist, pulling him back against his chest. Settling his chin on Cas's shoulder, he looked out to the lake and smiled. "That would be nice." This was all new to Dean: Happiness. Relaxation. Feelings. All of that bullshit he'd spent more than three decades avoiding. But with Cas... It just felt easy. It felt normal. "If it doesn't stop, though," he dipped his fingers beneath Cas's shirt, brushing his fingers over his stomach, "I wouldn't mind just spending the afternoon in bed." He pressed kisses to Cas’s neck, breath hot against his ear. 

Cas smiled, leaning into Dean. "We just got dressed," he protested half-heartedly. He turned in Dean's arms to meet his gaze, reaching up to rest his hands on Dean's chest. 

Dean dragged his gaze over Cas’s face, hesitating on his lips. "I've got nowhere else to be." With one hand on Cas's hip, he slowly pushed him backward against the doorframe. With the other, he reached up, running his fingers through his hair before tracing the lines of his face. It was as if he were trying to memorize everything about him - every line, every hair... Everything. That feeling of fear bubbled inside him again, despite doing everything he could to be in this moment. He licked his lips and leaned in to kiss Cas, slow, longing, and desperate. Again, he seemed to want to memorize the feeling, the taste. It was like he was afraid if he stopped touching him, stopped kissing him, he would disappear.

"Dean?"

Dean pulled back ever-so-slightly, "Yeah?" He took in the sight of Cas, breathless, pink lips parted, his vibrant blue eyes staring up at him. He traced his thumb across Cas's bottom lip. 

"Are you alright?"

Dean smiled. "'Course." He kissed Cas's cheek. "I've got you. I've got beer. I've got nature. Why wouldn't I be?"

Despite Dean's shows of affection, all of which he happily welcomed, Cas frowned. "You seem... On edge. Frightened, even."

Dean sighed, dropping his head to Cas's shoulder, wrapping him in a tight hug. When he pulled back, he rubbed his face with both hands before looking around the cabin. “I don’t know, man. I just… this... Being here with you? It's so incredible it's scary. I keep fighting between just letting myself enjoy it, and freaking the fuck out. I mean, after everything that we have gone through. After all the shit that Lucifer and the Angels and Hell and Heaven has put me -- us … you through. I guess I just have a hard time believing all of this is real. That after all these years, Cas, I finally have you. That we can be, I don’t know, normal? Well, as normal as you can get with a dude who hunts monsters and a friggin' angel.

“I just… I’ve been inside a Djinn’s illusion before. I’ve been inside illusions your dick-hole angels can conjure up. I guess I’m just scared this isn’t real. I’m scared there’s some kind of catch. I’m scared that if I don’t hold on to you, you and all of this,” he gestured around them wildly, “will disappear.”

“Well, technically if you were correct, it would disappear regardless of what physical object you were holding.”

When Dean glared at him, Cas held his hands up in surrender. Sometimes, he had learned, it was not appropriate to insert actual facts into a conversation. He was silent for a moment before stepping toward Dean tentatively. His lips were pursed as he examined the hunter. "Dean," he began slowly, as if approaching a startled wild animal and he didn't want to spook it. "I know the fear you’re feeling. I’ve… I’ve experienced my share of these dreams and illusions.” A look Dean couldn’t place crossed Cas’s face. Grief? Anger? Fear? “This is not an illusion. Not one created by angels, and certainly not one created by a Djinn. This is real life, Dean. What do I need to do to prove to you I'm here. That I'm not going anywhere?"

“Wait—wait, Cas, what do you mean? What happened to you?”

Cas frowned, a crease bisecting his forehead. He looked away, licking his lips. “When Naomi was controlling me… She—“ he sighed, and Dean reached for his hand. “She trained me. She was training me to kill you. She created copies of you. Thousands of exact replicas.” His grip on Dean’s hand tightened. “And I-I-I did. I killed them, Dean. All of them. I must have known, deep down, that they weren’t you, but--” 

“Hey, hey, hey, look at me.” Dean gripped his shoulders. “It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me if—“

“No, no,” Cas pulled out of Dean’s grip and scrubbed a hand over his face. “No, you should know. When…” He took a deep, shaky breath. “When Lucifer was… When I was locked away in my own head, he would create these scenarios for me. These worlds. And in them… I was happy. It was always a life with you. We were together. And I was happy for a while. But there was always something… off. Just like in Heaven, or with Gabriel’s tricks, there was always some minute detail that was off -- something that shouldn’t be there. Like,” he moved closer, trailing his fingers over Dean’s jaw, “your freckles were missing. Or in the wrong place.”

Huffing out a tearful laugh, Dean licked his lips. “You know the order of my freckles?”

Cas tilted his head and sighed. “Sometimes, if he was feeling particularly cruel, I’d have to watch you die again. Or, worse, you’d choose to leave me. Or everything would be perfect and it would fade away, and I’d find myself alone again. The point is, Dean, there was always something. Deep down, I always knew it was not real, but I was so desperate to have it that I ignored that, and just took what I could get.” 

“Jesus, Cas.” Dean stepped back and reached out to grip the chair at the small table in the corner. He stared down at his hands for a moment before looking back at Cas over his shoulder. His eyes were misty. “Cas,” he said, willing his voice not to break. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he pushed away from the chair and approached the angel again. “I want out.” His words were sudden, loud, and desperate; as if he hadn’t meant to speak, but his brain, being the insubordinate dick that it is, pushed the words out through his mouth without a modicum of permission. 

Cas looked as if he’d been punched in the gut, his eyes growing wide. “Out of--”

Dean realized Cas’s interpretation and practically lunged forward to grab Cas by the hand. “Not this. Not us. No.” He sighed heavily. He couldn’t really believe he was saying this out loud. To another living creature. “Out of the life. Hunting.”

Cas’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Dean, you love hunting. It’s your life.”

“Not one I chose for myself, though. And man, I’m just getting too damn old for that shit. Sam’s always talking about the possibility of something more. Of having a life. Of settling down. I always fought him on it, but I don’t know. Maybe he’s right. Maybe we can have a normal life.” His grip on the angel’s hand tightened. “If you’d want to have that with me.”

Cas licked his lips and shrugged, his eyes scanning the room. “You’re really not that old. I mean, comparatively speaking, you’re practically a fetus.”

Dean made a face. “Don’t make it weird, dude.” When Cas apologized with a laugh, Dean continued. “It’s just… Something I’ve been thinking about a lot. I don’t know.” The idea had been swirling in his mind for months, even before he and Sam had visited that retirement home. But after that hunt, it had weighed heavily on his mind. After nearly losing Cas to Lucifer, and then Amara, after the disgusting black hole The Darkness had created in their life… It was the one thing he couldn’t let go of. A sunset. He shrugged, his hands on his hips. 

Cas reached up, laying his hand on Dean's shoulder in a familiar show of comfort, just as he had for years. "If that's what you would like, Dean, who am I to argue? I don't recall much about my experience with normal human life that was desirable, but if I'm with you," he shrugged, "normal," he emphasized the word with a smile, "sounds pretty great."

+

Dean and Cas stepped into the bunker, breathing in its musty, recycled air. After what seemed like forever (though in reality it had been just shy of two weeks) living in a cabin in the woods, breathing in beautiful fresh air, relaxing by a lake, Dean had to admit that returning to the stale, underground bunker he once loved so much was mildly disappointing.

He looked around as he dropped his bag on the table. No sign of Sam. He looked over his shoulder at Cas and shrugged. There were books scattered across the library table, as there always were; as he would have expected from Sam. What he hadn’t expected, however, were the two empty coffee cups. Arching a brow, he pursed his lips and nodded to Cas. “Looks like Sammy had a little visitor,” he announced, pointing to the cups. “Sammy!” He shouted gruffly, unable to hide the amusement in his voice.

Cas sighed, rolling his eyes. “Perhaps we should have called,” he said calmly, crossing his arms over his chest.

Dean scoffed, heading for the hallway that housed their bedrooms, ignoring Cas’s protests. He peeked into the living room and kitchen on the way - still no Sam. When he reached Sam’s bedroom, he pounded on the door. He heard shuffling, Sam grumbling, and finally, the door swung open, Sam, in all of his gigantic moose-like glory doing his best to keep Dean from seeing inside. His clothes were rumpled, as if he’d pulled them on quickly. His hair was a mess.

“Hey, Dean. What, uh, what are you doing here? Didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”

Dean snorted. “Clearly.” He pushed the door open slowly, his eyes widening. “Oh.” He looked at Sam, and back to the room with a smile. “Hey. Eileen.” He waved like an idiot, and his smile grew even further. “Good to see you again.”

Eileen sat against Sam’s headboard, sheets clutched to her chest. Her hair was equally messy, and her cheeks flushed. “Hi, Dean,” she replied, offering a shy wave. “This is embarrassing.” 

Sam turned back to her with a frown. “Sorry,” he signed, mouthing the word to her. 

Dean watched Sam, and damn near felt like his heart was going to burst. “No, no, I’m sorry.” He Held up his hands in defeat and fumbled to mimic Sam in the word, earning a laugh from Eileen.

“It’s okay,” she replied, “Just…” She trailed off with a shrug, hoping Dean would get the hint.

“Right, right. Right. Yeah. Sorry. Okay. Bye.” He clapped Sam on the chest and grinned, offering a wink and a nod of approval. “Attaboy, Sammy.” And with that, Sam slammed the door in his face. When he turned, he came face-to-face with Cas. “Jesus!” He exclaimed, taking a step back. “Cas, you gotta stop sneaking up on me like that,” he huffed, clutching his chest. “I’m getting too old for this shit. My heart’s gonna give out.” 

“My apologies.” Cas stepped back, his eyes never leaving Dean’s face. “I thought with our level of intimacy that standing in close proximity to you was no longer troublesome for you.”

Dean, finally having caught his breath, rolled his eyes. “It’s not, Cas. You just gotta stop sneaking up behind me. Unless you know CPR.”

Cocking his head in a way that was so very _Castiel_ , the angel’s brow drew together in confusion. “I… Do not. I have my grace and could cure you of any coronary distress, however.”

Dean rolled his eyes and clapped Cas on the shoulder as he headed for his bedroom. “Never change, Cas. Never change.” 

Frowning, Cas turned to follow Dean into the bedroom. "Do you truly mean that?" 

Dean looked up at Cas, furrowing his brow. "What?"

Cas crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. Dean couldn't help notice the way the t-shirt tightened against his muscles with the movement. "For me to never change."

With a hearty laugh, Dean approached Cas. "Of course. Why would I want you to change? I do...you know..." He cleared his throat and looked around, trying to figure out if he could avoid saying it. No chick-flick moments. "I love you, okay?" He waved his hands and bobbed his head, hoping to take the edge off. He sighed, turning his gaze to Cas. "I wouldn't want you want differently."

Cas's face remained downcast, despite Dean's declaration of love. 

That didn't go unnoticed. "Hey..." Dean slid his hands up Cas's arms gently to rest on his shoulders, prompting Cas to drop his hands to his side. "What's going on? Talk to me."

Pursing his lips, Cas finally raised his blue eyes to meet Dean's green. "I won't ever change."

Dean laughed softly. "Well, good. Glad that’s settled." When Cas shook his head, Dean swallowed the lump riding in his throat.

"No, Dean. You don't understand. I won't change. You’re human. You’re growing older. I'm an angel. I'll never age. I'll never..." He trailed off, looking away momentarily to compose his thoughts. "Isn't that what humans desire in relationships? To grow old together? I can't give you that, Dean. You'll grow older and I'll stay the same. I'm going to watch you--" He stopped short, unable to finish that thought. He couldn't bring himself to say he'd have to watch Dean die. The tears threatening to spill finally broke the levee. 

Dean gripped Cas's face. "I don't care about that, Cas. I care about being with you. If you're still gonna love me when I'm disgusting and wrinkly, then so be it. As long as I'm with you." He kissed away Cas's tears, just as Cas had done for him. "Please don't second guess this. I need you, Cas," he whispered, foreheads pressed together. 

Cas reached up to grab hold of Dean's wrists. "I have never been more sure of anything, Dean."

Dean smiled through his tears and leaned in to kiss Cas's lips, tasting the salty tears and the coffee they'd shared in the car. "Good. I'm hungry." He laughed as he pulled back, breaking away from the angel, hoping to lighten the mood. 

Cas, thankfully, followed his lead and shook his head with a smile. "You're always hungry."

+

Cas sat at the table, watching as Dean worked. In all the years he had known Dean, he had never realized that he could cook. He had always seemed so fond of diner fare and fast food, but watching Dean in the kitchen was quite an experience. He knew his way around new exactly what he was doing. It occurred to Cas that Dean wasn’t even consulting a cookbook. It was just one more endearing human thing that made Cas’s heart ache. One more thing that made Cas know he was absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, head-over-heels in love with Dean Winchester. 

He dragged his eyes away from Dean when Sam and Eileen stepped into the kitchen. 

Dean glanced over his shoulder as he took a swig of his beer and grinned. "Hey!" He exclaimed excitedly, throwing out his arms. "Look who came up for air!" 

Sam glowered at his brother. "Really?" He nodded in Cas's direction. "Like you two have any right to say anything?" He scoffed, laying his hand on the small of Eileen's back and led her to the table. "Cas, this is Eileen." He accompanied his introduction with slow, tentative sign language, looking to Eileen with approval. Her encouraging, soft smile reassured him. "Eileen, this is Castiel. He's Dean's, uh..." He hesitated, looking at Dean before turning his attention back to Cas. He tilted his head and laughed, his brow furrowed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to call you guys."

Dean turned, leaning back against the counter to look over at the group. "I got no fuckin' clue, either," he admitted before finishing off his beer. 

Sam snorted, shaking his head. He looked at Eileen and shrugged. "They're together," he concluded.

Cas stood, extending his hand to Eileen with a smile. "Hello," he accompanied his greeting with signing, much to everyone's surprise. "It's nice to meet you."

"You, too," Eileen replied. "You sign?"

Cas licked his lips, looking around at all three others in the kitchen. "I have... Quite a bit of experience with languages," he explained cautiously. "I've been around a while, and picked up a lot. I must apologize, I may be a little rusty."

Eileen laughed, shaking her head. "No, it's fine. I appreciate any effort." She took a seat at the table, taking the beer Sam offered to her before looking to Cas. "So, do you... Do you work with Sam and Dean?"

Cas looked to the brothers for assurance, wondering how much information to divulge. 

Sam nodded. "Eileen's a hunter, too," he offered by way of permission.

Cas cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. He paused for a moment, thinking on his signing before he began. "In a manner of speaking, yes," he began slowly. "I'm an angel."

Eileen's eyebrows shot up in surprise, looking to Sam for confirmation. When Sam offered a tight-lipped smile and a nod of the head, she looked back to Cas, laughing. "An angel?" She repeated incredulously. "Like a 'God and angels and Heaven' angel?"

Cas nodded with a comforting smile. "In a nutshell." 

Eileen laughed. "Wow. I've met a lot of things, but I've never met an angel before. I didn't know they were real."

Cas smiled, looking to Dean as he joined them at the table. "You might be surprised. There are more of us around than you might think." 

"Most of 'em are dicks, though," Dean interjected, draping an arm around Cas's shoulders. "This one's come around. We've domesticated him."

Cas dipped his head, smiling. "It is true. I have... embraced humanity much more and much differently than my brothers and sisters," he conceded with a nod. "I was always fascinated by humanity. Even more so after I met Sam and Dean."

Dean grinned at Cas. A bright, goofy, stupid grin. "More me than Sam."

"That is also true," Cas looked at Dean lovingly, allowing himself a moment to look him over, "Dean and I always have shared a more profound bond."

Sam scrunched up his nose. "Don't get gross, you two. I'm hungry." He threw a pointed look at his brother. "When's dinner?"

Dean sighed, pushing himself up from his seat. "Now, actually, you impatient ass." He smacked Sam in the back of the head as he passed. "You can't rush perfection!"

Moments later, they were all digging into homemade pasta and breadsticks, washing it down with copious amounts of beer. All except Cas, who seemed content to merely join in the conversation and company.

"You don't eat?" Eileen questioned curiously.

"Not really, no. Angels don't require sustenance the way humans do." To Dean, he almost seemed self conscious about the subject. Eileen must have picked up on those feelings, and immediately accepted the answer before switching to a new topic of conversation. 

Later, Eileen had retired to Sam's bed, citing exhaustion. Dean had made a snarky comment about excessive exercise with wild animals (specifically moose) causing exhaustion. 

Sam, Dean, and Cas sat around the kitchen table, the Winchesters nursing what would probably be their last beers for the evening. They were silent, for a long while, listening to the old, creaking of the pipes and vents of the bunker. 

"So, Eileen, huh?" Dean began, smiling knowing at his younger brother.

Sam laughed, dipping his head. Dean knew that smile. He hadn't seen it often in their life, but he knew it. He knew when his little brother was happy. And damnit, Sammy looked happy. "Yeah," Sam started, taking a sip of his beer before looking at Dean. "I guess... I don't know. We've been talking for a while... And after all that shit and seeing you guys stop being so dumb and just go for it... I couldn't find a reason not to."

"I like her," Cas offered.

Sam grinned, nodding his head. "Thanks, Cas. Yeah, I do, too." 

Dean clinked his beer bottle against Sam's. "I third that motion or whatever. I like her." He glanced at Cas, meeting his eyes. Clearing his throat, he took a deep breath and looked at Sam. "So, uh, along the lines of, you know... Being happy and whatever, there's something Cas and I wanted to talk to you about." 

Sam perked up, shifting in his seat. "Okay..."

Cas offered an encouraging nod to Dean. "Should I leave you two alone?" 

Dean squeezed Cas's hand. "No. No, please stay." He licked his lips, looking up for a brief moment to gather his thoughts; figure out how to word what he wanted to say. "Cas and I were talking while we were gone, and..." He exhaled slowly, meeting Sam's eyes. "I'm thinking about, you know... Uh... Getting out. Retiring, I guess." He made a face at that word. "Not. I'm not that old. You know what I mean." He waved his hands, leaning back. "You know what I mean."

Sam stared at Dean, mouth agape. "Yeah, no, I get what you mean." He scoffed, leaning forward to cross his arms on the table. "Wow, I just... Wow, Dean. You. Of all people, I never would have thought. All the times we've talked about it, you never seemed interested in it. I mean, maybe for a while with Lisa, but--"

"That was different," Dean interjected. He sighed, looking over at Cas. Beneath the table, he settled his hand on Cas's thigh, squeezing it gently. "Dammit, Sammy, you gonna make me talk about my feelings?"

Sam laughed, nodding. "Yep."

"Fuck." Running a hand over his face, he dropped it to his beer. "Look, I've just been thinking a lot. And all the shit that Cas and I have been through... All the times we've been pulled apart and put back together... All the years we wasted." He paused, shaking his head, willing his voice not to break. "I'm just sick of it, man. I'm tired." He licked his lips. "Actually, I'm fucking exhausted and I'm sick of running. I just... I just wanna live my life. With my..." He looked at Cas. "With Cas. With beer," he held up his beer bottle, as if to prove his point, "with my car. I just," he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm just _done_ , Sammy." It came out softer, more vulnerable than he had intended. 

Sam nodded, looking between the angel and his brother. "I get it, Dean. I do. And I support you. You know I do."

"Really?" 

Sam laughed. "Yeah. I think you deserve it, man. You deserve to get old and watch sunsets and live in that retirement home."

"What about you?"

Sam shrugged. "I'll be fine. I'll figure it out. And, I mean, it's not like you're running out the door tonight, right?"

Dean scoffed. "Hell no."

With a smile, Sam stood, clapping Dean on the shoulder. "Then we'll figure it out. This is gonna be good. I'm happy for you guys. Really."

Looking up at his baby brother, Dean smiled. "Thanks, man. I'm happy for you, too. We're all happy. Happiness all around." 

With a laugh, Sam shook his head. "Alright, I'm going to bed before this turns into something awkward. 'Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, Sam," Cas finally spoke, watching the younger Winchester leave. After a moment, he turned to Dean with a smile.

Dean, leaned in to kiss him before he could speak. "I'm done talking tonight. Let's go to bed." Cas needed no further prompt, and eagerly followed Dean to the bedroom. The bunker echoed with the sound of the door closing.

\+ 

Cas lay staring at the ceiling listening to Dean's soft snores beside him. Dean, sprawled out on his stomach as always, had his head buried into Cas's side at an odd angle, but Cas hadn't attempted to move him. Any slight discomfort for himself was always worth it for Dean's comfort; for Dean's happiness. And Dean sleeping soundly and comfortably was a rarity, so he didn't dare disturb that. 

Just moments later, Dean sighed and shifted onto his side, his back to Cas. Cas turned on his side, wrapping an arm around Dean's waist to hold him tight against his chest, dropping a gentle kiss to Dean's shoulder. He had spent so many years watching the elder Winchester sleep, but only recently was he allowed the opportunity to do so in such an intimate way. And once he experienced it, it was something he knew he never wanted to be without.

It was that night, there in the dark, holding Dean in his arms, that he ultimately made his decision.

+

When Dean awoke, he did so slowly, naturally. He stretched leisurely, wiping the drool from his arm and his chin. "Ugh." Last night had been good for him. He felt as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Sam was happy. He was happy. Everything seemed right with the world. The only thing he needed to worry about now was what to do. He could talk about leaving hunting all he wanted, but he needed to come up with a plan. Would they stay in the bunker? Would they try for a place of their own? Would Dean try and make an honest living? What would he do? 

Sighing, he rolled to his back, rubbing his face. He reached for Cas, only to find him gone. He reminded himself that angels didn't sleep, and listening to Dean snore probably got boring. And annoying. 

He sat up, the sheet falling from his bare chest to his waist. He looked around the room, allowing his eyes to adjust before he slid out of the bed and dressed quickly. It was then that he noticed a piece of paper on his nightstand. Upon closer look, he realized it was a note, written in Cas's handwriting.

_Dean -_

_There are some things I need to take care of. Please do not worry. You have my promise I will return soon._

_Always,_

_Castiel_

Furrowing his brow, Dean clutched the note tightly, a sense of dread bubbling in his stomach. What things? Not once in those two weeks at the cabin, or in the car right home, or last night, had Cas mentioned anything that he needed to take care of. Why the hell would he just disappear? 

His breathing quickened as he reached for his phone, sliding through the contacts to find the angel's number. His thumb hesitated over the contact for a moment before thinking better of it. For now, anyway. He trusted Cas. He trusted him. This was fine. Things were good. Right? He stuffed the note into his pocket as he stormed out of the room, heading down the hall to the kitchen. As he had guessed, Sam and Eileen were up, huddled together at the table with their coffee. "Mornin'," he grumbled, making a beeline for the coffee pot. 

Sam looked up with a smile. "Hey." Eileen chimed in with a 'Good morning' before Sam furrowed his brow. "Where's Cas?"

Dean shook his head, shrugging as he plopped down opposite them. He snatched the paper away from Sam. "Beats me," he grumbled, burying his face in the paper as he took a too-big sip of the piping-hot coffee. He growled as it went down, but maintained his composure.

The Sasquatch cleared his throat and glanced at Eileen before fully turning his attention to his brother. "Everything alright with you guys? You... Have a fight or something?"

Dean raised his eyes to Sam menacingly. "No." He sat up more fully, tilting his head. "Why? He say anything to you?"

Sam's forehead wrinkled in confusion and concern. "No. I haven't seen him since last night. Dean... Is everything okay?"

With a huff, as if Sam were inconveniencing him with concern, Dean reached into his pocket and pulled out the note. He shoved it across the table with unnecessary force. "This was on my nightstand when I woke up this morning. I don't get it." He wrung his hands together before holding them out, palms up, as if demonstrating his confusion. "I-I-I just don't get it. He never said a damn thing to me. Not that whole time we were gone. Didn't say a word last night." He smirked, shrugging proudly. "Didn't give him much of a chance to talk, but--" he stopped himself and cleared his throat. "I just. I don't know, man. This seem weird to you?"

Sam offered a comforting smile. "Well... I mean, this is _Cas_. Everything about Cas is always a little weird." He smirked, but wiped it away when he saw Dean's face. "Look, I don't know, man. He's always disappearing. There's always something going on."

Dean frowned, looking down at his coffee. "Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of."

Sam tilted his head. "You think this has something to do with Heaven?"

"I don't know, Sammy," Dean shouted, more forcefully than he had meant. "All I know is that... I don't know. I... we are happy. For the first time in, well, let's face it... Forever. And, lucky me, I happen to be in lo... I'm hitched to... I'm w..." He stopped, taking a deep breath to compose himself. "He's an angel. And we all know that he's not a very popular one, okay? The rest of 'em are assholes."

Eileen spoke up, hoping to help. Sam was forgetting to sign and Dean was mumbling, but she had caught the gist of the situation. "Have you tried calling him?"

Dean pursed his lips. "No," he conceded. When Sam rolled his eyes, Dean returned the gesture and pulled out his phone. He once again scrolled through his contacts to Cas's number, only this time he went through with the call. Pressing the phone to his ear, he waited. And waited. And waited. 

_"'You have reached the voicemail box of 'Should I--I don't understand. Do I use my full name or d--' is not available. Please leave your message after the tone."_

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Dean sighed. "Cas. Call me, man. Now. Please." He ended the call and tossed his phone on the table. All the good feelings he'd had when he woke up had since been destroyed in a fiery explosion of worry and fear. Just another day in the life of Dean Winchester.

+

"Castiel, you are very brave contacting any of us. Some might even say stupid."

Castiel turned toward the sound of the voice behind him. He looked around, his bright blue eyes scanning the wooded clearing for any sign of more angels preparing an ambush. If there were any, he couldn't see them. He studied the angel for a moment. "Seraiah?"

The other angel nodded. He was tall, perhaps nearly as tall as Sam. The vessel's wavy blonde hair was parted and pushed back away from his face. His pale grey suit was crisp and lay tight against the vessel's trim figure.

Castiel exhaled slowly. "I understand your hesitation, given everything." He knelt, laying his angel blade on the grass between them as a show of good faith. When he stood, he held his hands up in surrender. "But I swear to you, my intention is not harm. I'm seeking your help, brother."

Seraiah watched him carefully for a moment, as if considering his options. "What do you want?"

Cas reached into his pocket, removing a small, empty vial. He held it up, stepping toward Seraiah. "I want you to remove my grace."

Seraiah laughed, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "That's absurd, Castiel. What would possibly make you want..." He stopped, realization setting in. "So the stories are true, then. _Castiel_ and his great love for humanity. Always so blatantly insubordinate and destructive... to save Dean Winchester. Is your love for humanity really so great that you want to become one of them? So helpless and fragile."

Cas looked down at the vial, remaining silent for a long moment. "Yes," he replied, looking up defiantly. "It is true. My love for humanity blinded me at times. But I've had so much time over the years; I've spent so much time here. With them. They are not as helpless or fragile as we were meant to believe. What they have, what they can experience, what they feel. It is truly beautiful. And it is true. My bond with Dean Winchester... It... It truly transcends everything, Seraiah. I am of no use to Heaven or any of you any longer. I wish to serve the remainder of my days here on Earth."

"With _him_." 

"With him," Cas confirmed. 

+

It was late the following night when Cas finally returned to the bunker. There was no sound coming from the kitchen or the lounge, and he deduced that the Winchesters, and probably Eileen, had long-since gone to bed. A quick glance at the clock in the library as he passed showed him it was well past one o'clock in the morning. He felt the pull of sleepiness, something he hadn't experienced in a long time. 

When he entered Dean's bedroom, he found the hunter curled up on his side, sleeping, though he didn't look peaceful. He knelt beside the bed, touching Dean's cheek. He had been correct in his assumption that it wasn't a peaceful - or deep - sleep. The lightest of touches had jolted Dean awake, nearly punching Cas in the face. "Hey, hey, hey, shh. It's me, Dean. It's just me."

Dean sat up, rubbing his face as he reached for the lamp. "Cas? Jesus Christ. What..." He glanced at the clock when his eyes finally adjusted. He turned to Cas, brows furrowed in anger. "Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you. For two fucking days."

Cas sighed, licking his lips as he nodded. "I know. I'm sorry." He reached out to take Dean's hand. "I'm sorry."

"I was worried, Cas. Sam was-- we all were. You can't just disappear like that. We thought something had happened to you."

"I'm fine, Dean."

"Yeah, I see that. Where the hell were you?"

Cas reached up to cup Dean's face, pulling him into a soft kiss. When they broke, he sat down beside Dean on the edge of the bed, gathering his thoughts. "I told you... And you know... That as an angel... I would never change. I would never age."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "I know that, Cas. What..."

Cas held up a hand to stop him. "Just let me finish." He chewed his lip momentarily, his hand in his pocket. "I have been told many times that my love for humanity clouded my judgment. That my love for humankind got in the way of my orders and my true duties. And that's true, to some extent. But it wasn't my love for humanity. It was my love for you, Dean." He turned to meet Dean's gaze. "From the moment I laid my hand on you in Hell, I knew that I would never love something so completely as I did you. Even then, I had given my life to you. Everything I did. All of it, was for you, for one reason or another. My duty was to you... I've lost you and I've been lost to you, but we always find our way back to one another. You, Dean, are my biggest strength and my biggest weakness. And in loving me in return, you have showed me worlds I never knew existed."

As Cas spoke, Dean felt tears well up in his eyes and spill over their barrier. He did nothing to stop them. Cas's cheeks, he noticed, were also stained with tears. "And as such, I cannot imagine living in a world without you... Living an eternity without you." He finally pulled his hand from his pocket. He held it out to Dean, and in it lay a small vile of beautiful, ethereal, swirling white-blue light. "You are my eternity, Dean."

Dean ripped his gaze away from Cas to look down at the vile. He reached out to take it from Cas, temporarily unable to process what it was. Finally, realization set in. Slowly, his eyes found Castiel's once more. "Cas," he choked out, his brows drawing together as more tears fell. "Cas, you--"

"I'm human," Cas concluded with a slow nod. "We can have the normal life you crave. We can grow old together. You and me."

At a loss for words, Dean wrapped his hand around the back of Cas's neck and pulled him in for a kiss - deep, loving, and longing. When they broke away, Dean exhaled slowly, leaving his forehead pressed against Cas's for a moment, as if steadying himself. "Cas, you..." He sighed realizing he still didn't have words. "I didn't get anything for you," he said finally, his voice gravelly despite trying to make a lighthearted joke.

"Dean," Cas's voice was deep and rumbling as he slid his fingers through Dean's hair, kissing his forehead. He tucked his fingers beneath Dean's chin, urging him to look up. When their eyes met, he sighed, shaking his head. "You've already given me everything I ever wanted. You."

Finally, overwhelmed by Cas's beautiful gesture, his beautiful words... His everything, Dean broke down, burying his face in Cas's shoulder, his arms wrapped around him tightly. He was so desperately in love with Cas, he couldn't find the words to form. No one had ever loved him so completely; no one had ever gone to such great lengths to show their love for Dean. He felt as if his heart might beat from his chest.

Later, as they lay together beneath the sheets in the dark, facing one another, Dean reached for the vial on his nightstand and held it between them. Castiel was drifting, the slowly losing his fight against sleep. Dean pulled him closer, kissing his forehead. "I love you, Cas. I don't think you'll ever know how much. But I love you."


End file.
